April 17, 2025 1:49 pm
Welcome to my healing journey! Here, you will find weekly posts on my healing progress, testimonies, occasional emotional rants and raves, how I’m enduring the healing process, and frequent (hidden) messages to my boys when they decide they truly want to know me. I already know I’m difficult; I don’t need to be told or reminded. Deal with it!
As I sat and wrote the content on In Loving and Fond Memory of…, I realized my boys, or family, have tons of papers and reading to do and go through when I die… LOL NOT sorry! I have both a paper and digital trail to follow. I see you, Branton, sitting on a floor surrounded with piles upon piles of papers with my handwriting all around you as you fight back tears because you were too afraid to know me. I’m just as scared as you are! Do not think I’m this strong bold woman twenty-four/seven because son, I’ll tell you… you and your brother are the only two men alive that will ever bring me to my knees and make me that weak again! I am strong, bold, and couragous when my Father tells me I need to be, not all or even most of the time. I’m at my weakest right now, actually, because you are so close, yet so far away. You and Joshua bring me to tears but protecting you will anger me quicker than anything! (I will always be your momma bear!) Standing in front of you or him, I am nothing but a ball of tears wrapped in an emotional knot that only you two can untangle. I will cower and submit to both of you before another human being. I can’t fully heal without you, Branton!
There’s alot I wanna say but God keeps whispering, ‘Now isn’t the time. One step at a time; one day at a time.’ I just realized I’ve had it right from the very beginning. While she instilled in me to plan for the future, I kept telling her, tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, one day at a time. We were both right, Suzie-Q! You wouldn’t believe all the plans I have written down now… lol. Microsoft Planner has become my new best friend.
April 22, 2025 5:10 PM
This Easter weekend I was blessed to have spent it alone, physically, yet I know I am never alone. Since Saturday I have had revelation after revelation, it seems. Good Friday, I went over to the storage unit and grabbed the suitcases so I could find that pretty dress to wear on Easter Sunday. I could hear my grandmother’s voice in the back of my head, ‘God always gives you His best, so you must always give Him your best.’ And that dress is the best I have right now. I found it; however, I did not attend church or even watch it online this past Sunday. And I’ll tell you why…
I am not Jesus! For over a year now, Satan seems to think it’s funny to attack me every Sunday morning. No matter how I prepare that Saturday night to combat him and drive him away, somehow, he always beats me. I’m the one soaked in tears, repenting and regretting at the end of the day while he laughs hysterically at me behind my back. While Jesus sinned not, I am one hell of a sinner! Even on Easter Sunday. I will quote what I wrote in my Growing in Faith Journal, (April 20, 2025) “I should be getting ready to attend church, instead I’m sitting here writing and smoking because I don’t want to be swallowed up in a religious society.”… “My love has grown cold for people while…” Jesus keeps it blazing for Him. I can clearly see now what I didn’t only two days before. I will only be laughed at and pushed around for so long before I fight back. I am very persistent. Very! Just ask Branton’s nana… I’m smiling and chuckling. One of these Sunday nights, I’m gonna go to bed smiling and laughing at you, Satan! I will keep at it until I win. I do not know how to give up. It’s not in my blood.
I will keep on asking. I will keep on seeking. I will keep on knocking. I will keep on keeping on! Eventually, she will open the door and invite me in once again. If Jesus returns my airpods after missing for a year, on the same exact day that I last saw my “little man”, I have faith in anything! My name was engraved by Apple and enclosed with double hearts on each side. I had prayed and prayed for God to show me where they were. I looked on my IPhone and it said they were at the VFW so that’s where I thought I had left and lost them at. I looked every time I went over there. Nothing!
Point: God saw my tears that day just like He does every day then after. He felt my pain that day just like He does today. He saw my repentance and regret that day just like He did this weekend. He read my heart and experienced the knife through it that day just like He does every day. He heard my cries that day just like He did over the weekend. He knows the number of hairs on my head, the thoughts in my mind before they even fully develop. He knows my coming and going. He knows me! I don’t care for any rewards or even a “payday” here on earth. This legacy is for my boys, Branton and Joshua. I don’t want any glory or money. I just want my boys and to live the rest of my life happily behind closed doors and curtains. God returned my ears to let me know He heard me that day and every day. But also, to be respectful and responsible with what He has given me. I can’t be so careless anymore.
Yesterday a revelation came and then another one today. Yesterday actually does seem so far away, considering I spent much of it searching for a dentist and getting business taken care of. I get a new and different piece of the puzzle every day. Yesterday, Jesus confirmed it was to the day and date, 22 years when I researched 2003. April 19, 2003 was the day before Easter and the last time I saw Joshua, my baby boy. His father ripped him out of my arms because he didn’t want me to take my son to church that Easter. His mother (Joshua’s grandmother) and girlfriend had plans for my son and they wanted him ‘home’. I don’t try to relive those days; I don’t need to. I push them away and I remember them no more! Remembering the pain during that time is enough for me. Yet, God revealed that to show me He’s always listening to me. He always hears my cries and desperation. He knows, cares, and protects me; don’t worry, He’s not afraid to put me back on that narrow path either. 19=He is ALWAYS with me EVERYWHERE I GO! April 19, 2025, God heard me, He returned my ears, and on the third day, April 22, 2025, He reminded me who I am.
SIT… STAND… WALK… RUN!!!
In that precise order too! You have to learn to sit before you can stand, likewise, you have to learn to walk before you can run. While I’m trying to run my race, dance the rain away, and take flight, today, God taught me why He keeps telling me to “Be still” and know that He is God. Although, I have learned to sit, He is waiting on me to sit ‘still’ before He will allow me to stand. I need to be stable, fixed, stationary, concrete. I need to sit up staight without slouching forward or bending backward. I need to stop caving to temptations, I need to stop changing my mind because doubt knocks or confusion drops by. Just because they knock on my door doesn’t mean I have to open it. I need to stop impulsive thoughts and behaviors. I need to be firm and habitual in all my decisions and actions. I need to banish insecurity and fear to the farthest island possible. I need to learn who I am while I’m being taught to sit ‘STILL’. Please, Father, as You teach me how to “Sit Still”, be gentle with me, be patient with me, and please, please Father, make me humble. If there is any wicked and prideful way in me, please remove it and fill it with love, purity, and humility.
While I was writing these revelations this morning, trying to make sense of it all, He conceived and later gave birth to a brand new poem named Blood Bought Race. I am everything WITH Jesus and nothing WITHOUT Him.
Excerpt from Blood Bought Race
I am weak but strong.
I am mighty and powerful,
Yet soft and gentle.
I am foolish but wise.
I am knowledgeable and all-knowing,
Yet meek and humble.
I am the tender breeze that sweeps away your pain
I am the morning sunlight that heals and heals
I am the budding wildflowers in fields of grain
I am the Omega and the last of a dying breed
I am the whispering pines in a gentle Spring rain
I am your Salvation!
I am your Direction.
I am that still small voice telling you, ‘No! This is the way!’
I am that upsetting, stirring, nauseous scream in your gut.
I am the calm before the storm… because,
I AM THE STORM!
I know who I am and who I am not.
I AM THE STORM!
Who are you, not what do you do?
WHO ARE YOU?
May 7, 2025 3:36 PM
I write to figure things out; I write to understand better and clearer; I write to see the bigger picture. Today I am writing to see the bigger picture and to figure out my next move in this crazy upside-down world that we live in. Since Covid turned everybody’s life upside down, I have been trying to navigate this new “normal” we humans call life now. To say I have not been successful is an understatement. I have royally and utterly failed! I was also reminded in my devotional this morning that God uses the foolish to confound the wise and the socially rejected to shame the social elites.
My entire life I have been a social butterfly. I have blended in and adapted to just about any environment, any culture, any situation, and there was only one problem I couldn’t fix. Since September 20, 2022, all that has changed. I do not care for people today. I have absolutely no desire to socialize or mingle among other humans. I do not like humans! I have been a walking train wreck, a ticking time bomb, and Hiroshima all at the same time and didn’t even know it. My brain is starting to scatter on me so I apologize if some or all of this doesn’t make sense to some. However, I am not writing this for people or even one person.
God told me to go public the beginning of 2023, so I am writing this in obedience to my Father, no one else. I don’t care about my reputation or people’s opinions. I am not a public kind of woman. I don’t care for the spotlight. You won’t catch me suing anyone on TV. And you most certainly will not turn on your television and see me talking to a daytime talk show host either. I prefer to stay behind the curtain and watch the smiles light up the room. I am like Love, I walk in, do what needs to be done and then peacefully and quietly leave. You never saw me; you never heard a thing; you never felt it coming, yet you know it was me that made the impossible possible and the forgettable unforgettable. Some call me a walking tornado, others a hurricane looming in the distance. I go and do whatever my Father tells me to and then I leave peacefully.
Nevertheless, as I reflect on these last four months, these last three years, I am reminded today that if I don’t take care of myself, I will end up in the hospital again. Now, you wouldn’t think that vitamins play such a vital role in a human’s mental wellbeing. Well, I am here to tell you otherwise. I learned today (for the second time in my life) that when I am struggling mentally… 1. I need to see my doctor and have him get a blood draw on my levels., 2. Reevaluate my exercise regimen. I have to take B12 and D3 vitamins again. Vitamin deficiencies can be more serious and deadlier than most humans believe. And exercise… I have worked out, hiked, played tennis, or done some type of exercise every day since I was sixteen years old. For the last three years I have done absolutely nothing but sit on my butt and write my emotions because I don’t know how to function normally anymore. Depression and a deployable drive to succeed at something crippled yet kept me going. Ironic and wierd, I know. God definitely broke the mold after He created me. I’m still alive for a purpose, His purpose!
So, after I learned I needed to resume a daily vitamin regimen and exercise plan, I went to CVS and got my vitamins, scheduled physical therapy sessions, and returned to my local YMCA for the free membership offered through my wonderful health insurance company. Today is Wednesday, the middle of the week. I plan to relax, regroup, and soak in these vitamins until Monday morning.
Monday morning, I plan to return to the schedule I had in NY that proved to mentally stabilize me during that homelessness period in my life. I don’t have a vehicle of my own, but I do have access to a vehicle so I will utilize that as much as I can to stay as healthy as I can. I certainly can’t train my dog when I can’t even train myself! Casper has been so awesome through all this, it honestly amazes me. I lost Shadow but Casper holds me together.
The scripture Ecclesiastes 5:3 KJV comes to mind as I write this conclusion. “For a dream cometh through the multitude of business; and a fool’s voice is known by multitude of words.” Only time and my Father’s unconditional love will heal these wounds and this brokenness! Among the many things that I can’t do, giving up is definitely #1! The rest of this Spring and this Summer I will be focusing on getting stronger spiritually, mentally, and physically. With vitamins and exercise, my Father will shine and strengthen through my weaknesses. I will climb my mountain and mount my summit again this year! I reached the top in 2019; 2025 will be even better!
May 18, 2025 3:23 PM
Recently “I” have been introduced to “I” statements and here is “MY” personal opinion of them.
“I” disagree with “I” statements. “I” feel this encourages and enhances this generation’s version of selfishness. Jesus said, “Love one another AS “I” have loved you.” Since God works through people, if “I” wash your feet (take care of you) and you wash my feet (take care of me), all needs are met and that is God’s original design and plan. If this world focused on “YOU” instead of “I”, we would not have the issues we have today. God is “I AM”; not us! People were never intended to be “I” (one, solo). If that were true, God would not have created Eve (which everyone blames for the downfall of man). Eve was created to help (take care of) Adam. As the old saying says, “There is no “I” in Team.” Also, there is no “I” in Us. There is no “I” in We. There is no “I” in Our. Anything that involves more than one, will never have an “I” in it.
Try to live just one day without anybody to talk to, to help you, to give you your order in the drive-thru, to do your nails, to cut your hair, to answer your questions, to do whatever it is you need done. Nobody can live entirely on their own without someone to do something for them. Try it and tell me how it works for you! Even a man living in the wilderness that hunts and lives off the land needs God to provide his food and provisions from a nearby town. A man cannot make steel, metal, iron, or other materials on his own. God created us to need one another, to help one another, to love one another, and today’s society has broken the only commandment that is above all others, “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment.” Matthew 22:37-38 If you can’t keep this commandment, you will never keep the second or any thereafter.
While I seek to rid myself of selfishness, therapists today only seek to encourage and enhance it. I will not continue to be part of the problem. I seek the solution and nothing more (or less).
May 24, 2025 9:40 PM
As I sit here and reflect on my day and life in general, I have a lighter heart, a healing heart. I can physically feel God changing me into what He planned from the very beginning. He is healing me the way He wants to, not the way the world thinks I should. He is showing my boys and the world how strong He made me; how strong He created me to be and what He has given me the ability to handle. At times, He even amazes me with what He has enabled me to do and handle. I may be homeless with my two fur babies, live out of my storage unit and PO Box, but my Father has provided a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, and a truck to use to get me back and forth to doctor appointments, get groceries, and free laundry service. I have more blessings to count as I lay my head down every night than I have to complain about and that alone says more than enough. I know I am blessed; I feel blessed, and I “thank You, LORD for Your blessings on me”.
This morning as I went about my morning routine, I felt the Holy Spirit nudge me to stop what I was doing and begin writing part two of my personal journey to motherhood. I obeyed even though I didn’t want to. I didn’t feel ready to begin that part of my healing process (journey) just yet. But I’ve lived long enough now to know that no matter what I feel or think I’m ready or not ready for, my Father always knows better than I ever could or will. I stopped what I was doing (which was practically nothing, relaxing and enjoying the nice weather outside with Casper) and pulled out this laptop (in which I had been given to use) and got to work.
As I began writing about 1999, the year I receive a true miracle from God, all those emotions and feelings from back then that I had bottled up and stuffed away deep inside, came rushing to the surface and flooded me with overwhelming regret and anger. I found myself irritated and angry that I actually allowed all that to happen. I allowed Satan to get the best of me and take my son away. I allowed everything and did nothing to stop him, all in the name of LOVE. RJ is definitely right about one thing: “hindsight is always 20/20”. I sat and allowed the emotions and feelings to wash over me and through me. I did not allow them to control me or consume me. When I began taking my irritation and frustration out on Casper, thankfully the Holy Spirit immediately brought that to my attention. I stopped, took a deep breath, and apologized to him. I wasn’t irritated or angry with the people involved, I was angry that Satan used them to work through when I loved them so much and trusted them not to hurt me the way they did. I wasn’t the one “possessed by the devil”, they were and still, to this day, they will argue and disagree on that. I’ve gotten used to their rejection and I’ve actually come to expect nothing less or more from them. I’m the evil one in their eyes and that’s all right. I’m not for everyone and God never intended for me to fit in or conform to the way people think I should live my life.
I follow the leading of the Holy Spirit and where He takes me, what He calls me to do, people disapprove and judge me in the highest degree. That’s all right though, God is proving they are wrong, day by day, little by little. One day, my son will see the truth and even if that never happens, I accept that. Looking back now, I see all the opportunities and chances God gave me to keep him and even get him back after they took him from me but because I acted on my fear and out of fear, I kept him where he was. I believed he was better off. Hindsight is definitely 20/20. I accept my consequences. I accept the punishment for my disobedience. Today, I work with God instead of against Him doing whatever I want. Even if I never have a relationship with my son, I know who I am, who I am not, and my purpose for still being on this earth. Back then, I was young, weak, and very damaged but today my Father is working everything out for my good and His glory.
I kept telling myself with every written word, what Joyce Meyer says, “This hurts good!” This is healing; this is moving on the way my Father wants me to. He had a plan for my life from the day I was conceived and although it took me forty years to figure it out, I know I’m on the right track now because everything lately seems to just fall into place. I do what my Father asks of me, stand back and watch with a smile on my face and joy and peace in my heart as it comes to pass and becomes my reality. I’ve never felt more content and peaceful in my own consequences than I do today. I know and understand the mistakes I made. I can’t change the past or any of that; however, I can and have the ability to change my attitude about the situation and do my very best to make things right going forward, so, that is what I’m doing. The most important, life altering lessons that a person learns in life never define us; they only refine us and purify us in the fire.
I will finish this tomorrow!
May 25, 2025 2:04 PM
Sometimes I feel like the pain of healing is more intense and painful than the actual pain of the trauma inflicted. “This hurts good!” No one likes to face and feel their own truth but in order to heal and move forward, we all have to do things we don’t want to. I was once told, (I can’t quote it because I honestly don’t remember the words to quote, but the idea, the concept is…) you may like a thing that is bad for you and hate a thing which is good for you. Does anyone really enjoy brushing their teeth or doing daily household chores like the dishes? I know I don’t but because the end result benefits me more than my distaste for it, I do it anyway and I enjoy the end result and benefits I receive because I did do it.
Today I have been called to relax and study His word. Tomorrow is another day to heal and deal with my reality. Happy Memorial Day everyone and don’t forget to thank a Veteran for all they have done and continue to do for our wonderful country! Enjoy your Sabbath!
May 28, 2025 11:10 AM
As I sit here and work through this healing process, I need to take a moment. I reread the story in Daniel 3, per the study guide (Healing the Soul of a Woman by Joyce Meyer), and then reread 2 Samuel 4:4 about what King David did for Jonathan’s son, Mephibosheth. As I meditated on those words, I felt the Holy Spirit ask me, “How can you abandon someone that has been taken away from you?”
People abandon obligations, pets, things, situations, other people, and just about anything you can possibly think of these days. I prayed and hoped it would never come to this for my son’s sake but it has. The truth: They terminated my visitation rights. They tried to throw me in jail over child support. They refused to allow me to see my son on his first birthday and I’ve yet to spend a Mother’s Day with him. His ex-stepmother has those joys today. I got his first Thanksgiving and Christmas. We brought the new millenium in together as a family and then a week later I was kicked to the curb with the rest of their trash. I called and called through the years. I sent him boxes full of school clothes and supplies every August for years. My son could compile a novel alone with all the letters I’ve written him through the years. Every time I tried to return for him, I got threatened with jail over child support. When he was taken from his father due to drugs (which shocked the hell right out me!), they told Wilkes County CPS I was dead. I encountered a screaming match with his grandfather the year after his father’s death that Christmas. If I had only known then what I know today!
For twenty-five years now, I have called and called. Been lied to. Been hung on. Been deceived by his grandparents the entire time. I don’t know why they hate me so much, why they view me as a threat, or even why they tore my family apart the way they did. What is it about me that they just absolutely hate?
“Some people will never like you because your spirit irritates their demons.”
― D. Washington
I received the first and only letter ever from my son about six months before I came back to face the music in January 2024. God said enough is enough and opened the door for me to return when He kicked me out of my hometown. He had been telling me to return since 2020 but I was too scared. Yup! Terrified is an understatement to how I felt the entire drive back and honestly the weather didn’t even phase me all that much. I knew what awaited me on the other side of that Mason Dixon line and nothing scared me more! In 2012, when I spoke to his father, he told me not to come back because it wouldn’t do any good. They had done to him the same thing they did to me. I’ll never forget his words, “They took my son away, Heather.” I tried to convince him that together we could fight for our son. If we united as one, they wouldn’t stand a chance because we are his parents. He said it was no use; they had already won.
They can’t threaten me with jail over child support anymore. And they can’t sue me for telling the world the truth! They can’t touch me today because God is with ME! Confessions of a Broken Soul, Part 2: My Journey to Motherhood is in progress. Whether it gets published or not, I will leave entirely in their hands. After twenty-five years and a call this morning just to see how they are all doing (got hung up on again!) should tell them, “This momma bear will NEVER give up on her cub! NEVER!” I never wanted (and still don’t) to take him away from that family. I wanted to move back after my grandparents passed in 2002. I didn’t want to stay in NY but they left me no choice. They didn’t want me interferring with his “new” family. I knew that wouldn’t last long and I told his father that. His response, “I don’t wanna marry her but they’re making me because she’s pregnant. If I don’t, they’ll take (him) away from me.” I only wanted to be part of his life, not take him away!
If the last twenty-five years hasn’t taught them anything, the next twenty-five will, if they live that long. God is establishing my footstool as I sit here and write this. People can hate me, reject me, judge me, critize me, whatever your heart desires but I will NEVER stop fighting to know my son. NEVER! Throw me in that fiery furnace and turn it up seven times hotter, I’ll come out the same exact way, unscathed but I’ll smell like roses as where they did not. I am immune to their rejection today. Their tricks and tactics have no hold on me. I will fight undauntly for my son till my dying breath!
They have consistently accused me of abandoning my son, so, let me ask you, “How can you abandon someone that has been taken away from you?” Is that even possible? 1:12 pm
8:31 pm
This is not an entry I wanna write. I wanna go to bed! I did my chores, all but two, reluctantly nonetheless because all I wanna do is work and sleep, and I took my meds (Benadryl and Tylenol PM, no I don’t take Psych meds anymore, thanks to my Father!). I’m so ready to curl up and say good night world. But since God is teaching me discipline and self-control this year and I’m actively obeying the leading of the Holy Spirit, I’m sitting here telling you this. I have nothing to hide because I’m used to the constant rejection from the world. I’ve come to expect nothing less from people.
After I wrote the earlier entry, I felt my flesh swell with the same anger and rage I felt all those years ago. I did the only thing I know how to do… I stuffed it back down and suppressed it. Then I felt God speak to my heart and say, “I made you angry for a reason. It’s time to control it when you release it. Yes, it is righteous anger, but you need to control it when you release it.” I was sitting outside working on a new manuscript, inserting scripture that God chose and He directed me to Ephesians 4:26, after I read Romans 12:19-21.
Vengeance is Mine!
Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written,
“Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.
Therefore:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
If he is thirsty, give him a drink;
For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:19-21 NKJV
Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.
Ephesians 4:26 KJV
So, although, my (righteous) anger is working its way out, my Father is helping me to keep it under control. I’m learning not to be angry with the people involved; my emotions haven’t quite caught up with my decision to forgive them and work together for the benefit of OUR son. (No, my flesh did not want to write that! I closed my eyes as I did. Yes, this is very, very difficult for me. I feel robbed and violated all over again! And I hate it!) But that is truly what I want. I don’t have the energy to hate people anymore; I’m too old for that crap! I want to work together and come together as a family; plain English: all I want is to be included.
I’m tired of being the outlaw instead of the in-law I should have been. I’m tired of being rejected, criticized, and judged for protecting my son and doing what was best for him. I didn’t fight back then because I didn’t think he knew about me and when I did find out that he did know about me, he still wasn’t old enough to understand. Today, he is old enough to understand AND speak for himself, yet he chooses not to. Since they refuse to tell him the truth, My Father will! You can’t and you won’t stop Him Satan, but nice try!
Good Night! 9:32 pm
Stuck!
October 15, 2025
I sit here and stare deep into my mind. Lost somewhere between the branches of my past, present, and uncertain future. An unopened pack of Doublemint gum sits to the left of my friend’s laptop that I’m currently borrowing again. I really need to get my own laptop. I know he doesn’t mind but it’s just principle to me. I wasn’t raised to deplete others and raise myself up, quite the contrary actually. I just feel so helpless right now, it’s killing me! I’m supposed to be in bible study at church, instead I’m aimlessly wandering around in my mind throwing a pity party.
I don’t normally think about end-times and biblical prophesies, but here lately I have.
A Quick Update!
October 25, 2025
My writing career is waiting for me on Monday! Now that the light has turned green and God has blessed me with favor beyond all that I could ever dream of, I’m going full force ahead. Get these manuscripts edited, then go talk to a few people. Here I come world! Steady, strong, and fearless!
Little by Little
October 30, 2025
I know I’m right where I belong, where God wants me! Everything is coming together, little by little. I have my own place now. I rescued my husband again and brought him back to Yadkin County. He is the manager of a fast-food restaurant nearby. God is putting him through training for his own restaurant, but his pride will be tested first before he’s promoted again. I pray for my husband’s faith and endurance!
My son, his grandparents, and their family may not want me here, but God does and that’s all that matters! Their opinions don’t matter. I don’t need their approval to be anywhere or to do anything. They don’t want help steer me in the right direct, God will find someone else. No big deal! My door is now closed to Branton, like God closed His doors to Israel. They can allow Satan to cripple them with fear if they want but God won’t let me. I am raised to a higher standard than they are so while they are permitted to do certain things or behave a certain way, I am not. And I’m perfectly fine with that. The lifetime of rejection they have dealt me is about to be returned on their heads tenfold and I’m gonna stand back and watch with my hands in my pockets. The sweet salvation of my LORD and Savior!
I tried to be nice about it. I tried to be peaceful about it. I tried to be holy and Christ-like about it. All to no avail. I tried to warn them that Satan is using them, not me but they won’t listen. I’ve been the villain, the outlaw in their family, in their lives since the day they met me. I was never good enough. They didn’t want to be associated, let alone related to a damn Yankee. They have rejected me since the day they met me and played nice about it until my son was born, then they ripped my family apart and flipped my world upside down. Years later, they did the same thing to their own son. However, he didn’t have the strength God blessed me with to endure the pain because he probably didn’t ask for it. Pride and jealousy seems to be a huge stumbling block for both his side and my side of our family. My roots were planted in 1998 and they’ve grown solid and strong ever since. No wind will ever blow me over or knock me down again! I am untouchable and unstoppable!
2026
January 4, 2026 12:32 PM
I am happy to announce that I finally have a solid plan in place directly from God, Himself. I’m excited to see what my future holds because I know it’s so much better than I ever thought I wanted or could dream of. My fairy tale dreams have come true; in a weird roundabout way, strangely they have all come true.
People say the end is in sight; the end is near; the end has come… wrong! There is no end… we wake up and start all over again in hopes of getting it right this time. We watch the sun rise over the horizon and thank God for a fresh new beginning. As 2026 approached, I went back in time to a more pleasant time… New Year’s 2000. While I cleaned, a wave of a familiar scent, a familiar emotion, a familiar memory slowly pranced through my mind. The warmth of a hot cocoa wrapped in my hands, a pine scent lingered in the air, an amber ambiance lit by the soft glowing lights in their home drifted through my mind as I sat and watched Nashville come alive on New Year’s Eve. If I would have had the money, I would have been there too. I will make a trip to Nashville at some point this year, God willing, We will!
A normal New Year’s Eve ritual I try to keep is cleaning out the old to make room for the new. I dust everything to clear the path God has set before me to make sure nothing trips me up or lingers in the distance unaware. I deep clean, sure not to miss a spot. I don’t want to step into a new year, a new future, “a new thing” with cobwebs hanging over my doorposts. When God wants to do a new thing, I want to make sure His path is ready and unencumbered. I will be a bride with extra oil for my lamps!
