For about the past month, maybe longer, I have felt God working in me, through me and around me. I could feel something coming and something about to happen. My apartment complex and my husband have not only tasted God’s wrath, but they have also witnessed His wrath this past week, weekend and yesterday. “Three strikes and you’re out!”, says the Lord. Yesterday morning I took my husband to Statesville, dropped him off, wished him the best in life and said goodbye for the last time. However, before I did that, God gave me a hope that I clung to because it was the only lifeline I had. I needed a reason to hope. I needed a reason to stay. I needed a reason to keep going; a reason not to give up. I needed Him!
Yesterday, I received a miracle (not MY miracle, but God gave me a miracle), a dream come true and one answered prayer (the one I doubted the most!). My Father gave me what I needed most in life when I least expected it and when I had almost given up. He gave me life; He gave me light; He gave me the very last… I’m in awe! I still can’t fathom or believe what He did. Even if it was only but for a moment. That moment… I’m having a hard time right now finding words because I wish you people could see and understand what I do. I can’t explain my life. I can’t find the words!
Sunday night, I was rudely awoken by loud music around 1:30 in the morning. I shut my mouth, my window and tried to go back to sleep. All in vanity! So, I made up my mind to return to Egypt. I had a plan and I intended to carry it out until my Father interrupted me and said, “No, My daughter! Wrong direction! One step at a time.” Honestly, I’ve had enough of America, her man-made laws and our so-called American rights and the lack thereof. I’ll address this issue later this year when God tells me to. I know I’m not the only one with righteous anger! God is about to move people; get ready!
When God speaks, He speaks!!! I got on my messenger and started looking for an old friend and student of mine in Egypt that is now in their government. I didn’t find him.
I found my baby instead!
His father ripped him from my arms the day before Easter 2003. He was 2 years old. I have looked and looked for him for years. When I lived in Brooklyn, NY, I heard from somewhere that he was attending a Yankee’s game up in the Bronx. So, I jumped on that D train and went to the Bronx in search of my son! I went with anger and bitterness in my heart. I wanted vengeance! I looked and looked all over that stadium and their grounds for him, but I went home in tears as usual. I honestly never thought I would ever see or talk to him again. I was beginning to think that he was dead, but he is very much alive and well. So, I did what I do best and blew his Facebook up until I got an answer.
Yesterday, I spent all evening talking with my youngest son until I couldn’t stay awake any longer. He’s a night owl like I used to be. The healing that came to my heart is unexplainable. I’ve never felt anything like it in my entire life! I cried like a baby last night and most of the day yesterday waiting for the shock to go away so we could talk to each other. My Joshua (after Joshua 24:15) was just as happy as I was to have finally found each other. As long as I have one of my boys, my feet will remain grounded! While I have never had the pleasure of spending a Mother’s Day with my oldest son, this year I will spend my 3rd Mother’s Day’s with my Joshua, my baby, if it is God’s will.
I’m beginning to understand the purpose of everything and what I have been called to do; the purpose of my writing; pieces are slowly coming together and making more and more sense. My Father made me crazy for a reason! And later this year, I do believe we’ll all find out why. I’m just as eager to know myself. I feel as if I have been walking blind my entire life, just following Jesus and the Holy Spirit wherever He takes me. And to be completely honest, I am scared to death because I know the opposition I am about to face. However, Joshua 1:9 reminds not to be afraid, not to be discouraged because He is always with me wherever I go. My life is full of witnesses from Egypt to America, take your pick.
I am God’s! I am His welcome and His wrath! I can be your best friend or your worst nightmare; the choice is yours! (Wasn’t Jesus killed because they said He blasphemed too!) Here’s another piece of the puzzle I was so kindly reminded of yesterday during this miracle.
In 1999, on November 27, I had my first (documented) suicide attempt over at 279 S Wall St in Elkin. I was pushed over the edge, mentally; I fell and cracked wide open like Humpty Dumpty. I died in that house in the living room. 3 days later, I was brought back to life and thrown in Broughton for 6 days. Don’t believe me? Go talk to Roby Dean and Phyllis Wilcox. By all human standards, I should be dead, ten times over. My Father put me back together and molded me to be fearless… with a purpose and a mission. I was 22 years old. Honestly, I’m still working on being totally fearless but no, I’m not there yet. They still terrify me to this day, but you will NOT see me shed another tear when I stand before either one.
Y’all think my words are mine, WRONG! I write what my Father gives me. If I write something of my own that He doesn’t agree with, eventually it disappears forever. I’m learning just like everyone else. I’m not perfect nor do I claim to be.
For all you haters out there: While my husband feeds on your attention; I feed on your rejection! I love when people underestimate me and then God proves them wrong!!! Right now, y’all are making me stronger than I’ve ever been. I pray daily that God keeps me humble because I do understand why y’all think my pride is in the way but if you walked in my shoes, if you lived my life, if you knew what I know but can’t find the words to say, you’d understand. But I can’t make anyone see or understand anything. ‘You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink it.’ I understand why people are scared of me. I scare myself half the time too because it’s even hard for me to fathom everything. I’m human too, no different than you. I bleed the same blood you do. It becomes harder and harder for me to carry a conversation with people these days because the words won’t come out of my mouth the way I intend for them to. They get twisted, construed, taken out of context and I get frustrated because I can’t communicate, but when my Father puts words in my mouth, trust me when I tell you, I won’t shut up even if I try until He’s done speaking.
By the way, I understand the trinity better than anyone can possibly imagine. Since I have been called a fraud among many other things, I will say this: I am Heather M Smith. I am Heather M Ryan. I am Heather M Davis. I am God’s daughter, mess with us and He will pounce all over you! No weapon forged against us will EVER prosper! We call do all things through Christ who strengthens us!
Heather M Ryan, Branton J Wilcox and Joshua S Davis: WE ARE ONE!
God is with me; are you?
Join our journey @ heathershutch.com
Let’s see where God takes us!
This is my testimony!!!
