After 23 years of not knowing where my baby was or anything going on with him, God finally gave me closure on this matter. I know where he is today and I know what’s going on with him. Since my heart was too soft to leave my dear husband to his own devices, God used him to reveal the truth about my youngest son.
A week ago today, my ‘baby’ revealed his true identity when he walked over to my broken-down and dead Jeep to take my worthless and broke husband home with him. Instead of helping his mother that he was taken from, he chose a deadbeat father that wouldn’t even take care of his own two boys. He surrendered his parental rights to keep from paying child support because he is too lazy and stupid to work. If he’s more of a father than his own father, what was the point of taking him from me to begin with? I could’ve done a better job than they did! At least he would have manners, morals, respect, ethics, and he would know what boundaries are and where to draw them. My Joshua is a spoiled rotten brat today thanks to his grandmother. He says I want and she says ok. He has no boundaries, no morals, no manners, no ethics, and no respect for people. Yet says he took Will because he had nowhere to go. Will tried to say I kicked him out. Another lie! As much as I wanted to, no. I have more of a heart than that. I live by the Golden Rule today. Neither of us had ever been to the state of Delaware before (or so he says). I wouldn’t want someone to do that to me, so I did not do that to him (as much as I wanted to). Now, I don’t give two craps what happens to the man. I’d be more than happy to bury his sorry ass! He’s a worthless piece of crap taking up valuable space on earth that could be used for other purposes. But my Father already knows that, so he won’t be on earth much longer. He’ll take care of Will just like He did, RJ and George. I’m not worried about it. My enemies are establishing my footstool as I write this. His ‘loving’ grandmother is on her way out now for igniting the fire. Spoiling a child with whatever they desire and not applying discipline is the reason kids are so uncontrollable and dangerous today. “Spare the rod, spoil the child”
My Father protected me the last 23 years from his toxic behavior and cruel intentions. My son was born of a good tree; therefore, he is a good man. In what manner, I’m still trying to figure that out. However, his behavior and what he has been taught to believe and think is the rottenness within him. I feel like he has my heart, a pure and genuine heart. But if he is only nice and loving to me when I have money, then he needs to be taught the biggest life lesson there is! The word: NO! Until he comes to me so I can help God change his behavior and ways, he is closed off and blocked from me. His father and entire family can die a painful and slow death and then go rot in hell for what they’ve done to my son. I definitely could’ve done a better job than they did. But they already know that or they wouldn’t have kept him from me growing up. He didn’t even ask for child support from me because then I would’ve known where he was and could’ve gotten him back.
I don’t know my baby as a 25-year-old man today so I can’t miss what I never had but I can miss the little man that used to give me hugs and kisses whenever I was depressed, sad, crying, or for absolutely no reason at all. My one-year-old, my 22-month-old little man is what I miss. He is who I knew. I don’t know the man that took the extra weight off my shoulders, or the man that solved my problems, or the man that left me stranded in a state I had never been to before when he did all but beg me to come there. I do not know this man and I’m glad I don’t. I don’t want to know him!
But this is only the beginning! I do not give up! I stepped back to process and ponder my next steps, not to disown him. God has His work to do and I have mine. I know I am the example. I know this is my pack to lead. Another approach with God’s perfect timing is now necessary.
In regard to my well-being, I’m out of the state of Delaware. I’ve had a shower, teeth cleaned and clean clothes. Laundry has been done and coffee is great every morning. I enjoy the silence in the morning with my coffee as my Father and I spend time together. I miss the mountain air but it’s somewhat country here. Not all that comfortable for me but at least I’m safe and alive. I’ve got work to do and words to write.
Petition · Reunite Church and State for Our Children’s Future – United States · Change.org
So, as in times past, this is only a healing and strengthening vacation. I will be reestablished, renewed, refreshed, and then released. A divorce celebration is planned, a reunion is long overdue, and a very prosperous life is waiting for us. When I leave here, I will never have to worry about my finances ever again; I will have a newer Jeep to travel in; and I will have a clearcut path in front of me with whatever details required for the journey ahead. First destination: Nashville, TN (in honor of George)
However, I am very happily preparing for my grand return to Delaware later this year. Upon divorce, my legal name will return to Heather M Ryan, my birth name. I was Davis only by adoption, not by blood (unless otherwise proven), is not my birth-given name, not by any other means, than adoption. Yes, that means I was adopted twice. I was a very fought over child that grew into a very fought over woman. Many men have fought over me for many different reasons; however, none ultimately prevailed. I will remain a single, sought-after bachelorette for the rest of my days. I may date from time to time just to remember the actual feel of a man and to feel like a human woman again, but my heart is shut off to emotions. I haven’t been in love since George, and I couldn’t feel anything but sadness and sympathy for my husband. He never gave me a wedding; I never said ‘I do’; I never promised him a damn thing because he wouldn’t keep a job long enough to plan anything. He quit his job two weeks after we married. I knew then that I had made a H-U-G-E mistake! I tried to get it annulled, but my Father shut every door on me and made me wallow in my misery. Then He got tired of me begging for my boys, so He gave me what I wanted just to show me why He put a wall between us. Now I understand! But my Father will NEVER allow any man to marry me when he won’t keep a job or provide for his family? My grandfather wouldn’t allow it, and neither will my own Father allow it. He was given multiple opportunities, but he blew them all with fireworks, this one being the grand finale. My Father is in total control this time. I’m just sitting back and doing what I’ve been called and anointed to do.
